Looking for Me: Jussie Smollett, A Place for Wolves and my family, by Charlie, Age 16

It's hard to be a Black Seminole in Florida. Accroding to the Seminole Tribe of Florida website's FAQs, the term 'Black Seminole' "is a misnomer that sometimes confuses more than it explains." I looked up 'misnomer' in the dictionary. It means "a wrong or inaccurate name or designation." Yet that's what many of us call ourselves--like our ancestors did.

The Tribal webpage quotes African American historian Kenneth Porter who describes Black Seminoles as "Those people of African origin who attached themselves voluntarily to the Seminoles or were purchased by them as slaves. The were permitted by the Seminoles to make their camps close by the Seminole camps, and, in return, shared agricultural produce with the Indians. A few of them gained prominence among the Seminole because of their ability to translate. At least one, Abraham, was a "sense bearer" or spokesman for Micanopy, a hereditary micco or civic leader."

That leaves out so much. Then there's this: "Almost all the slaves who sought the protection of the Seminoles in Florida left with them for Oklahoma." This makes people think that we're not here in Florida anymore, but we are. My Grandma Susan lived with other Black Seminoles at the Ft Pierce Reservation in St Lucie County.

I won't talk any more about that now. It is a proud heritage, but can be difficult. Grandma Susan's son, my father Abe (named for the ancestor who assisted Micanopy), married an African American woman--my mother Deatrice. There's no special way a Black Seminole looks. I have short dreads, black skin, but not high cheekbones!

There are a lot of misunderstandings in the communities I grew up in. Some Seminoles think it's okay to use the n-word. No matter how much I argue, family on my mother's side insist they also have "Indian blood."

Now I say I'm bi, enby. That may change. I might say I am gay in the future. I say I'm enby, though I think I'm more two-spirit or 2S. My friend Indigo went through a process of discovering who she was, rather than who she was taught to be.

Indigo thought 2S was something special that didn't belong to her. I kind of feel the same way. I feel like, "Don't label me!" because I am still figuring it out, but I'm not against labels--they have power.

Anyway, that's where I'm coming from and I'm going to discuss some things. I've been thinking about writing something for a while. Because of my age, I was scared to put it out there. I also can't write well. Alexis and Eduardo helped me a lot with this. It's all my ideas. We went over it together. And it was a big surprise to us that we have so many Twitter followers. I am a target in real life. I don't want to be a target on social media. But some stuff happened recently that made me upset, and issues came up that we've been discussing for a while.

These two things made me very upset: the whole thing with Jussie Smollett and the cancellation of Kosoko Jackson's YA novel A Place for Wolves.

I'm not going to go over the Jussie Smollett incident. You can look it up. What matters is that from day one I believed every word of his story and was so upset, angry and scared by his description of the alleged attack. I'm not really an activist--but this was different. I never watched his show, I didn't even know who he was. But I found out Jussie was a successful cis gay black man. I thought if this can happen to him, I'm not safe at all. My friends put up with a lot of my ranting.

From the beginning, Eduardo was cautious and told me to wait and see. I was not at all happy with him and accused him of not caring, which wasn't fair. He did care--about me. 

I was shook. I followed all the breaks in the story on YouTube. When it started to look like it didn't happen like Jussie said, I was upset and angry in a different way. I couldn't believe he would use a noose and homophobic slurs in a lie. Wasn't he ever really discriminated against or threatened? He must have been, at some point. I really worried and still worry about people taking crimes against black 2SLGBTQIAP+ teens seriously. I was 100% sure that he would tell the truth, explain that he had some issues he had to work out and apologize to the people he hurt.

He did misuse the Chicago PD. But after those sixteen felonies they put on him when they don't care at all about violence toward black gay men means I don't feel sorry for them. But what about black queer teens everywhere? People who have no power, whose families often don't support them, and who are looking for role models.

Here's the thing. He can't be forgiven until he tells the truth. And I'm not down with black cis het people shouting about violence against black men and no charges against white offenders in this situation. It's not your story. Don't make comparisons with white bros who got away with lying, if there's no queer link. It's not about you. Let us have this pain and anger. For a change get buck about homophobia and transphobia.

Are you still with me? I went from not talking to talking A LOT. XP

Our librarian told me about Kosoko Jackson's first YA novel A Place for Wolves sometime last year. I screamed for my wig. I couldn't believe it was happening. Indigo and I both loved Aristotle and Dante Discover the Meaning of the Universe. We also wanted a black, Native or black Native version. Here it was. I loved Kosoko's photos and interviews. This time I was setting up myself up for the crash.

New Zealand PhD Becky doesn't want to hear it, but I didn't want to let it go. I so needed this book, I read the long, critical review and my first reaction was: this is not how #ownvoices is supposed to work. A white woman calling out a Black gay man. I thought, "Don't do it brah--just publish the book!" I felt so hurt that his big break was ruined. I cried for him, but really for myself and NB kids like me. Then I stepped back and started to listen to more information about the ethnic cleansing of Muslim Albanians. I wish someone more experienced had told Kosoko to dial back the cruel stereotypes before it got to this point. I can't understand his 'there is good and bad on every side' POV. That's Trump talk. And that history isn't his story to tell and make judgments.

I feel like he knew this and made the choice to pull the book, no matter how much it hurt. I think he understood it would be a kick in the face to queer BIPOC teens who need to see authors like him creating #ownvoices books. I hope he comes back strong. And Black gay boys don't have to put all their hopes on only one creator.

Back to Grandma Susan. I told her that "mobbing" is going on online and she got pretty upset. First of all, because she believes in fairness and justice. But she also said, "I don't like the way you are using that word." Mom and Dad didn't say a word, because when Grandma Susan says something, they usually don't talk back! But I tried to explain: "Grandma, that's what we say online."  She said, "I. Don't. Care." Then she said, "Some of your mother's people are from Newberry." Mom said, "That's right." And we talked about the 'Newberry Six,' lynchings in 1916, and how the truth and reconciliation process is just starting now. Link to a local article.

I said, "Grandma, you didn't object when I used the word 'mobbing' with Nathan Phillips." She said, "Because what those boys did it reminded me of the past."

I'm going to leave it here. I hope it is helpful, and I apologize if I made any mistakes. Please let me know. Alexis knew how my family felt when she did two tweets to an author that were sincere and shouldn't have been turned into anything else. Thanks to Ms. Ann for doing a last minute edit.