Arnold Spirit, Jr., Mason Buttle, Shane Burcaw and Me, by Michael, Age 17

This is going to be a controversial post for some people, because I'm going to explain why I can't let go of Sherman Alexie's THE ABSOLUTELY TRUE DIARY OF A PART-TIME INDIAN.

I'm not defending Alexie for the horrible charges against him by Native women, who have my total support. I know that members of @ofglades and Indigo's Bookshelf cannot separate Alexie from his work. I respect that. Most of his books I can leave behind.

But as a Native crip, Arnold Spirit, Jr. became the most important character I ever read (actually, I listened to the audiobook). There is no other like him.

Sherman Alexie was born with hydrocephalus. That's one of those disabilities where people talk "quality of life." He had brain surgery at six months old and still has some side effects, like reduced vision and stuttering. As a kid, Alexie had seizures and bedwetting. He was bullied with ableist slurs because of his large head. He couldn't participate in a lot of "normal" activities other kids do. His is Bipolar with OCD.

I was born with cerebral palsy (CP). I had a bunch of surgeries to make me walk on crutches with leg braces. You could say that was unsuccessful, but I prefer being in a wheelchair. I'm kind of a mountain of a guy with arms as big as Dwayne Johnson's, because I wheel myself. Yes, nice white people who keep asking me in public: I can get an electric chair through 'Indian assistance.' I choose not to. I am dyslexic--not 'severely,' because that's not a real thing. I sometimes have panic attacks.

Eduardo showed me some stuff Native scholars wrote about Alexie's sense of humor. How it plays into Native stereotypes and makes white readers comfortable. But I haven't seen anyone address his crip humor, which doesn't play into stereotypes. It's honest and sharp and funny. This hooked me on page 1.

I was born with water on the brain. Okay, so that's not exactly true. I was actually born with too much cerebral spinal fluid inside my skull. But cerebral spinal fluid is just the doctor's fancy way of saying brain grease. And brain grease works inside the lobes like car grease works inside an engine. It keep things running smooth and fast. But weirdo me, I was born with too much grease inside my skull, and it got all thick and muddy and disgusting, and it only mucked up the works. My thinking and breathing and living engine slowed down and flooded.

See what I mean about honest and sharp? Most crips are like that, rather than sad and inspiring. I'll bet most readers had never heard hydrocephalus described by someone who had it.

Then he writes (I'm checking the book, but I have this stuff memorized):

My brain was drowning in grease. But that makes the whole thing sound weird and funny, like my brain was a giant French fry, so it seems more serious and poetic and accurate to say, "I was born with water on the brain." Okay, so maybe that's not a very serious way to say it, either. Maybe the whole thing is weird and funny.

See what I mean about the humor? It's not cheap and stereotypical. Not. At. All.

What do abled readers think when they read this stuff? Do they pay attention to it? Do they think it's just more of Alexie's comedy routine? Because it happens to mean a lot to me.

Do they think this is a joke?

My teeth got so crowded that I could barely close my mouth. But the Indian Health Service funded major dental work only once a year, so I had to have all ten extra teeth pulled in one day. And what's more, our white dentist believed that Indians only felt half as much pain  as white people did, so he only gave us half the Novocain.

When critics rightly pointed out that Alexie shut out other Native writers and was only showing one side of Native life, did they think about this? When they suggest other Native writers as replacements for kids to read, do they consider if they have disabled rep? I don't think so. I think ableism keeps them from seeing that it even matters. Even though Native people have a higher percentage of disabled people than any other demographic and the lowest opportunity for access to culturally sensitive programs and services. Did you know that? Here's an article about it.

Junior lives a dream life. He becomes a varsity basketball player (I wish!) and is popular with girls (right?), even while he deals with anti-Native prejudice. He successfully navigates reservation life and a white school. Do you know crips need stories about winners too? Do you know what kind of books we usually get?

Very occasionally we get great ones, like Sharon Draper's OUT OF MY MIND. The MC Melody Brooks is a Black girl with CP!!!! I hope everybody reads that book and loves it as much as I do.

But usually we get shit shows, like THE TRUTH AS TOLD BY MASON BUTTLE, by Leslie Connor. Do you see that title? There is very little TRUTH in this book. And it certainly isn't told by a real-life fat kid (the fattest!), who is dyslexic (severely!) and sweats a lot (the most!). This book is on 'Best of 2018' lists and it is nominated for awards. Alexis and Eduardo said they couldn't find any pushback. Remember how I told you I'm not sad and sentimental? Remember how I said I am a mountain of a guy who is dyslexic and wheels my own chair (so, yeah, I sweat in the Florida heat)? Doesn't matter that the kid isn't Native, I take this personally.

Let's look at this first page. Chapter One is for real called THE STOOPID SHIRT.

Tell you what. I already know who stuffed this T-shirt into my locker. Matt Drinker did that. He took a Sharpie to it first. Fat black letters. He wrote STOOPID on it. Same way I spelled my word in the spelling bee on Friday morning. A kid like me doesn't belong in the spelling bee. But it is for all of seventh grade. This is not how I would kick off the school year, but I'm not in charge. Elimination rounds start in the classroom. I'm eliminated.

Do you want to read anymore of this book? I don't. "A kid like me"--meaning what, exactly? "I'm not in charge." "I'm eliminated." So, so much ableism. Is the spelling bee thing taking a knock at Melody, who excels at a trivia competition in OUT OF MY MIND? Remember the passages from the beginning of Alexie's book? You better damn see the difference. Maybe you will understand why I am having a hard time letting go of Junior, even though I know I should. Here's Connor "explaining" dyslexia.

I have been with my brain for twelve long years. I know how it puts things wrong. So I closed my eyes. I thought, okay, Mason, don't put that in your head. Don't go spelling stoop. That's not your word. Your word is stopped. Under my eyelids I started to see the letters. I can see the letters. But for me they go ugly. They fade or swell up. They slide away. If my eyes had pinchers on them, I'd grab at the letters and hold them still.

WT actual F? It gets worse. At the end of the first chapter, Mason tells us that he brings an extra T-shirt to school, because of the out of control sweating thing. He actually says (or Connor puts these words in his mouth): "Otherwise I'm a total gross-out of a kid."

Buh-bye Mason. I'm not finishing your book. I actually feel for you, brother. But you've been done wrong. Your author seriously put the word BUTT in your name, and then made you talk a lot of crap. She doesn't respect you. She feels sorry for you and her readers stay awake at night crying because you and I exist. It makes them feel better that they're not like us. We've got to stop this from happening again and again. But how are we going to do that?

Let's look at Shane Burcaw, who has two books I love: NOT SO DIFFERENT, What You Really Want to Know About Having a Disability and especially LAUGHING AT MY NIGHTMARE.

This is how he introduces himself:

Hello, I'm Shane Burcaw. I have a disease called Spinal Muscular Atrophy. I have been in a wheelchair since I was two. I love to laugh and my life is pretty funny.

DUDE! He has a girlfriend, a huge social media presence, is the author of award-winning books, and proudly describes himself as "the guy who looks like a cross between a robot giraffe and a pterodactyl." It's all cool. If you haven't heard of him, go check it out!

I love Indigenous stories, like Eric Gansworth's IF I EVER GET OUT OF HERE and GIVE ME SOME TRUTH, both of which I listened to.

But I need some #ownvoices Native crip stories. If you want me to let go of Arnold Spirit, Jr., you got to fill the gap. All Native authors and scholars should be demanding this for their kids and guys like me.


*I use the word crip to describe myself. Some disabled people don't like it and that's their choice. I know I bugged the hell out of Eduardo and Ms. Ann, who helped me with this essay. I'm appreciative. It took a while. I'm really proud that I was able to get all this out. I even made myself laugh once or twice. Thanks for reading, and look for my review of Art Coulson's awesome Jim Thorpe biography.